That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
