Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm passing your future prison.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
