Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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