Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
