Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
