You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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