for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
