Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
