I cockslap morals
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
