we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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