I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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