Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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