Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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