Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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