If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The power of my boobs compel you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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