she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
