true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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