Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
