I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
