____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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