I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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