awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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