On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
