I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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