No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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