I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
