I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is wine microwaveable?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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