i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
