i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
