I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
