I seem to have left my pride at pride
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
