But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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