Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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