At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
