there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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