turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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