I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
