Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you would pick up someone in the library
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
