I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
