I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
