Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
