Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
