My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
