I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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