sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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