OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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