I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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