Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As shirtless as possible
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
