I've blown a few things in my day
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
