So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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