You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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