JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
