i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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