I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
