I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize