I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
