"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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