wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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