I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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