Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
