Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
