His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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