margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
