He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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