tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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