how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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