Heybabeimwearingurpanties
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
