would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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