Can i not drive my cunt home
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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