imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize