I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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