you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
