my sisters under your porch take her home
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
