3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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