Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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