Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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