News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
