hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
