I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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