Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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