and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
