I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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