i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
