I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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