Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
